You dont need to read their minds as to what they mean, suss out what they mean next, or throw up defenses against prying nosiness; most of the time, it will not be necessary. It all feels like a gross, stupid game I dont want to play. Oh, sorry, I cant., What are you doing Thursday night? You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY.. Her Kid: *rings doorbell* again my mum says shall we wait for you? Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. My daughter is also struggling with brainweasels and getting a job. I always do this, too, especially if I get the vibe they want something from me other than just hanging (like baby/pet-sitting). Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? You just need to say, like, Oh, not sure yet, how about you?. Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? The Captains advice is great. A: I'm planning to just take it easy. Excellent insight and analysis. Shes asked like this a few times. These guys then hope the girl will then respond with relating a fun anecdote, to which the guy will respond by asking a question or two to keep her talking, and then hell think, Great! Its not even really pushback. Theres just no way, you see, that this is what a womans mind does, what she is for. Answer vaguely. Its clearly related to the other ones, not just random strangers. Thats possibly reasonable to do with a minor child, but youre still acting to preserve a parental level of dominance over her as an adult. 29+ Funny Responses to Compliments - Self Development Journey Some variation of were busy or we have plans works better. [Note to my friend who also reads CA, this is not you ], I tend to do direct invites, sometimes with a range of possible dates, but I have occasionally done the We should do [X] sometime! and had months go by without getting around to organizing [X], even if Ive extended other invitations to the person also interested in [X]. BUT! Person A: Im fine. 25 of the Best Responses to "How Was You Weekend" - Tosaylib Then if someone tries to rope me into something I dont want to do, I can pull out the old Sorry, I have a deadline coming up soon / Im behind schedule so I have to work.. Were no longer friends because she never wanted to make time to hang out with me; she just wanted free babysitting. What are you planning? and nowadays I find that a great answer. after Ive made my piece clear. If someone just says yeah that tells me theyre not actually that interested. Just looking for my phonehave you seen it? What are you up to? And suddenly many things became clear. 2. "Yes, the weekend always . This is how I deal with it: I'm sorry I can't really talk right now. I felt really connected to LW upon reading the letter! I think my own culture is more ask-y, but I had a pretty pushover personality and often felt, well, pushed around by the people around me. They help us tons, just because they love us and were family. Being one half of a couple is also very handy in this respect. But more often we talk about their kids or grandkids or the cute hat theyre wearing or the wedding theyre shopping for. However, there are a lot of male people who use this approach on female people because they are trying to be coercive. Funny Responses To How Are You Save Image: Shutterstock Somewhere between better and best. That it can be based on something as intangible as a mood. When you joined a new job and your team leader or boss asked you about how you're doing, this is your honest answer and a way to show your enthusiasm. I usually just respond with I have tentative plans with a friend why do you ask? Lots of wiggle room there. You'll Get Eaten Last. 1. A little of this, a little of that. (FWIW, Im not that extreme myself. If the person you're talking to has seen Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog, they'll appreciate the joke. Our relationship got better when I moved out. Flip the question back on them. Neighbor! I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. Once we own that, and stop feeling guilty, etc., it becomes easier to seize the power, and it becomes easier to think of what we ARE going to say. If youve never read, The Gift of Fear, the critical point is that niggling things like exactly this are the warnings that can save your life and that there is literally no better metric than that the situation is giving you that reaction, no matter how small or how you try to dismiss it. E- Enjoying. This will hopefully lead to the two of you sharing what your plans are and possibly hanging out. You have actually internalized a very common social rule. Wow is all I got. I think that with my previous friend group culture, a sorry, Im REALLY busy for the next few weeks gets taken personally as Im too busy to maintain our relationship, even though Im trying to, um, not be homeless? My response if Im up for it is Looking like a fun one, but did you have something in mind? If Im probably not up for it I say All the things! I love days where I have no obligations and I can go where the wind takes me. So far, everyone Ive said this to has gotten the message that I want an obligation free day. How much stuff is there? Just ask! I am eating. If you need an answer right now then Im gonna have to say no.. We were asking about things they like or dont like about America compared to the countries they grew up in. Two main reasons that I can see: 1) They want to get to know you better and talking about how you like to spend your weekend is often a great way to do that. Giving my turtle a haircut. 300 Weekend Captions for Instagram to Salute All Working - getchip Any/all such inquiries get an automatic Unsure have to ask my other half., Sans that Id just go with Unsure. You can do it as far as you can. But its also true I can (usually) reorganize my schedule enough to accommodate plans I want to attend. I thought why do you ask? meant you are being nosy. Im working on this myself. I do have friends who have trouble planning things for various reasons and often say things like I miss you or We should hang out more without doing anything to make it happen. 2. Vacuuming the cat or shaving the yak* or something. Ive seen cat vacuuming most often as being what you do before you can sit down to write. What are the usual scripts? 3. 1, It feels rude not to ask back. Especially since shes not working during the dayshe only HAS leisure time.). Theyre private and you dont need to know them. Ive been known to do that to friends, since Im one of those people who freaks out when I hit the wrong key and the computer does something unexpected. Or, if I tell a potential date some generic things (oh, probably reading and writing a lot) and add that Id like to take a break so they know Im open, Im engaging in the same coy behavior thats bothering me in the first place. This strikes me as so strange! And if its clearly just conversation, (and you want to participate further) offer up something else, It might help to keep in mind that for most people, the question is pretty innocuous. Funny Answers To What Are You Doing (WYD) - MomInformed Flat? I find mildly-but-not-entirely-absurd stock answers to be a good distraction. (Like the How are you? inquiries) 3. Why do you ask? is my go-to response as well. Who on earth does #4, besides a small boy under 6? How To Answer "What Do You Do For Fun?" (With Examples) but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. I dont know what would do the most damage for NYCs daughter long-term, but I do know that no matter the form it ultimately takes, the preservation of parental lines of dominance into the adulthood of the child will do real damage long-term. We all walk the kids to school together and she started calling in at our house every. I think theres a frustratingI dont know what to call it, but adding monetary transaction to a relationship doesnt always make it better. 2. Hidden Siri Commands and Unusual Responses | TechSpot I mountain bike every weekend! I moved out from my parents when I was 25. Its a way of saying I enjoy spending time with you in a general sense, but without any plans to actually do that. And they tend to be very very very sure of what counts as racism (nothing they do/say, of course), with an overlay of you should be grateful I am nice to you to wrap it all up. [I often go in around lunch time.] I get tempted to make stuff up like join the circus or sky diving or whatnot. Later that evening I find out through facebook that HE went out ice skating, with several of our friends, and he had never even mentioned to me that he was going, let alone asked if I wanted to come too! I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. In my case this is always 100% true because unless I literally have my calendar open in front of me I do not know what I am doing at literally any time on any day. For that matter, even confident people can fall into the What are you doing Thursday? trap when theyre trying to sound unassertive. Thanks! Can you babysit for me? Oh, Im sorry, but Im visiting my in-laws that day. It can feel and be interpreted as quite awkward/rude/offensive/surprising to respond with just No, I dont want to or No, Im not up for that Of course it would be so much healthier if everyone we interact with had taken Captain Awkward 101: Accepting Refusals Gracefully, but the fact is, for many people its much more comfortable to offer an excuse to soften a no. Its hard to navigate things as just small talk when follow-up questions and comments quickly lead to territory I dont want to discuss. Hi / hello + [thing I want to talk about] can almost seem too abrupt in that context, particularly among peers. Others also have lives to plan and need to know (cancel event, find someone else, make other plans). I just want to say I appreciate that, you know, you havent started charging your daughter rent, etc. Michael Wiley on Twitter: "RT @h_miller76: Had you asked me what I'd be Sometimes we have plans that I can adjust if there is something she wants to do. Yeah, I do the same. That way they know Im not just sitting around with nothing to do, so I havent just signed myself up for free babysitting or moving services. We also told our children when they were growing up that they could use us as an excuse any time they felt pressured or uncomfortable saying no for themselves. I would say something like:"what have you done with yours so that i can learn what to do or avoid.". - Anthony Burgess - Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. To the point she gets fallout for being unhelpful if she doesnt do it? People on a dating site who ask what youre up to on Thursday are not literally asking what youre doing Thursday. I find looking out for the people who cause difficulty when things dont go their way, is more useful than trying to figure out all the numerous different ways common interactions could be interpreted and trying to use the right one for every situation. Can you do me a favor? as much as it is practicing not giving into pressure to give an explanation of your schedule OR an immediate answer. That would have been a really frightening prospect for me. Like I said, you know the people and the situation better than I, an Internet Stranger, do. But then again, Im always the person who answers strangers who say Are you X person with Who wants to know?. For grocery store cashiers, I keep the answer short: Wet, on a rainy day, or Need more coffee this one particularly for coffee shop baristas, who probably hear it too often. To those who are wondering why this is such a big deal when its just a social pleasantries thing: I *almost* put this in my original questions but left it out for length and (I thought) irrelevance -The question does not bug me at all when people ask at work or social functions as a way to make conversation. I find that are you doing anything interesting this weekend? can come across as less pressuring than what are you doing this weekend? Not only does it focus the question onto peoples hobbies/interests, but the answer no, not really doesnt automatically mean that someone is free. Try to be kind and positive in your response. 30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends I have strong memories of my MIL telling my husband, shortly after wed married, I need you to clean out the gutters. Or maybe you need to come this weekend and clean out the gutters. I really minded that! Everyone knows most people mean it well, its small talk, etc but these things ARE not nice to be the receiver of. Im pretty thoughtful about when I feel Im entitled to expect her participation, and when Im not. So of course, you tell her, youll all walk separately from now on (keep the cheery loud voice of happy certainty and smile hugely the whole time). If you're taking a vacation and staying home, your clients or coworkers may still expect you to pop into the office and answer their emails. I just want to jump in to point out that the medium of communication also matters! Always always have a plan I forgot about until next day. Well see you at other times but this ones for us.. Hah. They have the right to call on us and expect us to come through. Ill assume thats the case and check back later. The hubs and I do the same. morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. Setting that aside for the moment, its apparently *supposed* to go like this: You have attached a new question to an old thread. Here are some days you can disappointedly shake your head at and postpone the event until some hazy future date when a Wednesday sees you free. Call me. Does *your* phone not work? Funny Responses to Compliments Everyone Can Use Id rather know the thing up front so I can answer it directlyare you free without telling me the activity feels like a setup. This business of judging what another adult does with their leisure hours (with the obvious caveat that they harm no one) is bad enough, but insisting on the right to interrupt that time to set another adult extra chores is unreasonable in most circumstances, and not good for anybody. What are you doing this weekend? I have not observed him asking this many questions to other bank customers, not that I hang out in there much, and maybe they give him more satisfactory/interesting answers). Also my spouse and I have given each other full permission to use the other one as an excuse whenever needed. Does that mean that these women would get constant requests for free tech support? That sounds weird coming from you. If you want to push them to just say why they want to know, ask. TootsNYC, thanks for responding and considering what is said. I should add it somewhat depends on how well I know the person. Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. Am I? I can find someone else, so dont worry if youd rather not-Mittens likes you, so I thought of you first, but I know at least two people who have been angling for some alone time with the fountain., Translation: Here are all the ridiculous things I am asking for, and the dubious rewards I can offer in exchange. Maybe you have a mountain of laundry and it takes the whole weekend, or you are just doing the laundry inbetween other activities. And then they get all pissy because the girl is taken aback by being asked out so abruptly by this guy about whom she knows pretty much nothing except his appearance. May suggest reversing the order of operations? Thanks! As I explained, however, sometimes responding to a compliment requires a funny response. To me layering (which I definitely do) is more about putting my information out there first and hinting that Ill be chill if you say no, as opposed to initiating the conversation while asking the other person to show their cards first, which feels at the least unfair, and at the most, as you say, like a trap.