I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. Man, thats no way to respond to your wife, person you care deeply about whos saying to you that theyre experiencing mental health crisis in your relationship. Add Cialis if you want solid tree trunk hardness. My Wife Doesn't Want Me to Touch Her Anymore - Goodguys2Greatmen We had enjoyed a lovely sex life, with the usual speed bumps (kids, work,etc) but we never stopped. Id be saying goodbye! She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. not someone to basically jerk off into. my dad is 85 years old and my mom is 5 years his senior at 90 years old. As Gopa points out, the reasons can stem from resentment to communication gaps or personal issues. So I know him well, this is extremely painful and heartbreaking. If they did, they would be taking care of business! So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. He seems to think (as far as I can surmise) that sex is just a little bit dirty or should only be used for procreation purposes. we always believe that we are being judged . To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. Add to that some other longstanding unresolved low sex drive and relationship problems caused by their mate (me) in the past, and strict un_affectionate anti_sex parents in her upbringing. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. Im to the point where Id be happy with an occasional peck on the cheek. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. We tried and tried to get them to call us but their mother has convinced them that I am to blame for our sons death. Problem or seek medical help. Aiaia!Number, address, divorce papers signed and ready to go?DANG! Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. How about just being happy with love and affection? Wtf do you think he has been doing. and possibly evil. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. I chose the platter for one. Yeah. What about the years of devotion? She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. Then, let the pouting begin. I am so angry at him too!!! Most men do their deed and roll over. Ed if your still out there I have the same view as you do on the phone and web. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. She cut me off completely about 10 years ago and refuses to even talk about sex when I try to bring it up. Want to continue the conversation? I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. We have been Maries for 26 years. I was married for 24 years. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. and I feel I have been cheated. So my question to the men here. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. But if its truly my duty.. Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. My wife never trys to turn me on or initiate sex. please Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. Got lost there. If your wife feels less overburdened with household responsibilitiesand sees you making an active effort to take on your share of the loadyou might find she has more time, energy, and interest in sex. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. I am sorry but I think thats just nuts. Weve been in counseling for a year. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. We do love each other though. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. I have the same situation you describe, almost to a T. The only thing thats worse is that my husband is sneakily still interested in porn and satisfying himself when Im not around. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. Cheers Rl. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. My hubby is one happy camper. Females are elevated to the superior status of the male they pair with the reverse is not true receive the protection and provisioning of that male, and enjoy the primary bond with the children. he is very persistent. After chemo and radiation, they put her on hormone suppression drugs, which reduced her libido a lot. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? We are still asexually active and every time we see couples enjoying sex, it puts extreme sadness in our souls because we are faithful to our partner. But, if we actually *wish* to engage our brains, we do have the brains that God gave us, the brains through with which we can engage in thoughtful interpretation of facts. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. And sadly that is not my situation. Make your own porn and watch that. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. Sucks to be me, right! You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. 2. Sex for men is like passing gas or eating: its just a physical thing that needs to get done. Denied the enjoyment, should they be expected to put the same effort into the preparation? If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; Yeah, wrinkles and less hair (me), but sex is as good as ever! I am guilty of that. For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. You're correct about that. See the New York Times story, Does a More Equal Marriage Equal Less Sex?. our sense of what is expected . My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. That killed it for me. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. I sure want too. If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. Could it be that your wife avoids intimacy and shuns the idea of making love? but you most certainly are putting up with it, by acquiescing your role in your own home and your role as the male in your relationship. Take what you can, now. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. No, on a serious note, it wasnt something to have posted here. Or when she does get in the mood again 45 minutes to get hard and going and he is done like always within a minute and he rolls over and goes to sleep. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. Frustrated. Thanks for pointing out that marriage therapy can also help with problems about having a sexless marriage. Youd do things her way, when she wanted it, or else its divorce rape in the courts. Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. Its not always the woman who has no interest. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass? But connection and intimacy, and yes even sex, IS a need for many. Also, expand your definition of sex. Is this the same advice you would give a man that is in a sexless marriage? She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. I can understand why youre anxious about talking to your wife about this, but communication is the only way youll get out of this impasse. We may as well sleep in separate beds at this point. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. . And feel that what ls what the real problem ls ,should l just exsept this he said lt to uncomfortable to have sex due to his prostate he never touches me l own the house but now he says he wants to put lt ln a trust ,as lf l die he gets lt and visa versa can u help me ,he hates talking about lt but made lt clear lt was not me but his prostate he ls also on. You may be ok with the situation youve created.. thats one thing, but to act as though youre merely tolerating the situation as a martyr is pure BS. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. Dont fool yourself into thinking that what you say or how you say it will somehow turn her back on. // Replace PAGE_URL with your page's canonical URL variable Thats why were looking at the most common reasons why your wife is never in the mood anymore and what you can do if your wife refuses to have sex. She would be lost. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. The subtle ways dates, touching, hoping havent worked and although years have passed, neither of you really understands yet how the other feels. You have slipped into being neutral around her, rather than being masculine and making her feel girly in your presence Inside, you may feel very masculine or confident, but she's not going to feel any desire to be affectionate if you don't use your masculinity to make her feel feminine (rather than neutral) in comparison to you. I was disabled when she met me, so Im it cant be because of money. So, Thomas maybe your right they must be doing it wrong. Married 50years and our sex life never really got going. Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. Richard C I am 52, married for 25yrs and sex has dwindled down to once every year or two. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? Ive just seen this ,not sure when posted .ive tried so hard to get wife to have sex .she says menopause.then I gave up.but other we I had a beer and told her how I felt .silly beer a..so she been trying to start sex but my body has closed down to her .im worried ive turned off to her mentally.I do love her but shes noticed im not getting aroused like I used too .and now shes saying I prefer porn, but its how ive got by for so long.its really .mested up.im 53sorry. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. No sex for about 20 years. Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. He is suffering from a mental health issue. If there are other underlying problems such as financial constraints or strained relationships with the in-laws, the stress could be killing her libido and be the reason why your wife avoids sex. /** She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. Some nice and some angry! There is no hope for this relationship. Its time to change your strategy. We could be spontaneous. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. Nothing arouses it. Maybe there are areas of your marriage to be worked on, maybe a little couples' therapy will make a big difference, or maybe it's time to consider whether this marriage is really worth holding on to. As well as almost no feeling there as well. Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling Just need the fortitude to go. Great but no sex at 69. It will never balance out. I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. If hes not willing to seek medical help and take pills to be able to have sex, the frustration amd resentment will be so much. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? Its good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! My wife and I have been married 20 years. I totally understand your story. My husband and I separated recently. Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus. I NEED an active partner. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. She will not go to any therapy. I *must* woo my wife, always. Its only going to get worse. We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. It took many years and visits to a lot of therapists to find out why I couldnt perform sexually with my wife during our 30 year marriage. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Perfectly happy and have intention to change it. Another reason my wife never initiates physical contact may be due to hormonal changes. But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. Is it so horrible for me to want to passionately kiss her if it doesnt even lead to sex? People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. We went to a number of therapists but none were able to help. Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. But I do it, why? Get a better paying job so she doesnt have to work her butt off. Im 15 years younger than my husband. We havent had sex in months. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Absolute rubbish! She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. 3, stop calling her names and no more fights with give you more chances of having sex with her that night. 3. I love her. I wish she would just go away and never come back, shes got just about everything I own. 1 use and money making business on the internet. If that is not possible, it may be too late. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. Womens inherent nesting instinct naturally shifts their focus to family and kids, and this may, in turn, affect the mind space she can allocate to you and sexual desires.